The number one most emailed article on the New York Times, at the time I’m writing this, is a blog post by Tara Parker-Pope on the importance of self-compassion for making a change such as losing weight or quitting smoking.
It is striking that the article is the most emailed — clearly it strikes a chord among the typical self-critical, stressed out reader — but also is followed by an avalance of negative comments, saying things like: “Oh good grief! Americans think so highly of themselves as it is. Really there shouldn’t be more encouragement, ” and ” if we don’t hold ourselves to high performance standards, how can we, ethically and morally, expect others to meet those standards?” These comments reflect a fundamental misunderstanding of what self-compassion is, how it contributes to (not undermines) self-accountability, and how it differs from self-esteem.
I recently gave a 15-minute talk at the Stanford Happiness Conference about the importance of self-compassion and the research on how it helps us maintain — not abandon — our standards and succeed at our goals, as well as increase happiness and decrease depression. Watch it here.